๐ Push.
๐๐ป Pull.
๐๐พ Push, Push.
๐ค Pull, Pull.
โ๏ธ I am better than this.
โ๐ผ I am bigger than this.
โ๐พ I am stronger than this.
So what am I getting at?
Well, I am not where I want to be in life right now even though I know where I should be.
As,
I will never show you that I am struggling.
I will never let on that I need your help.
I will never stay down for the count.
But,
In my mind I know where I should be.
In my mind I have created a brand that should be getting me somewhere.
In my mind I am one of the most confident people you will ever meet.
It seems at times I can not win this game as my Big Brain will tear down any momentum and put me into a State of Trance.
This State of Trance will bring with it:
๐ Exhaustion.
๐๐ผ Extreme Self Doubt.
๐๐ป Anxiety and Panic like I have never seen.
This is all due to my gift of being Bipolar and itโs decision not to pay by my rules or paying the rent for being an outcast living inside my head.
These episodes are common for us Chosen Ones (no, not the Jewish part of me ๐ค).
These episodes are a sign for me that a State of Depression will be rolling in like a thunderstorm at night.
These Depression episodes are micro in nature, as they will go as quickly as they came in, but do they ever leave a mess behind.
This whirlwind will destroy everything I am working on and thinking of.
It will also take me out at the knees and leave me reeling to find my confidence again and again and again.
But I can almost guarantee that you did not notice this as I like to hide this under a cloak of invisibility.
So, why canโt I just snap out of this?
I wish it was that easy as these Micro Depressions as I like to call them do not play by the rules and are shit faced sneaky.
๐๐ป Listen,
I have made it this far living with this special condition.
๐ Listen,
I have made it this far hiding it from you.
๐๐ฝ Listen,
I may show confidence, but damn itโs not as easy as it appears.
As I continue on this Journey, these speedbumps will always be there but now I have chosen to come swinging with a baseball bat and fight more than ever to get what I deserve.
Yes, this is a lot of downloading.
But what about uploading as to how I get through this?
Simple.
๐ซก I will talk it out.
๐ I joke and laugh about it.
๐ซจ I share with others as to how Iโm feeling.
I have had enough living with this.
๐ฅ I am declaring war on this sneaky devil.
๐ฅ I will NOT continue to let this destroy any more opportunities.
๐คฏ Fuck off Mr. Depression.
๐คฏ Get the Fuck out of my way.
This is my Fucken life.
Now Fuck off once and for all.
Please, as this battle is coming to its crescendo and I am not leaving as it’s NOT OVER until the Fat Lady Sings; and she is no longer employed by me.
If you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip? – Eminem
๐๐๐ฝ๐๐ผ ๐ฃ๐: ๐๐ณ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ ๐ฎ โ ๐๐ผ๐ณ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฝ ๐ถ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ, ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ปโ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐ฐ๐น๐ถ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ผ๐ป ๐ถ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐๐ผ๐ณ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ณ๐ผ๐๐ป๐ฑ๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ต ๐บ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฒ๐ด๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฒ ๐ฆ๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐.
๐๐น๐๐ผ, ๐ถ๐ณ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐๐ฝ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ย ๐บ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐๐ฎ๐๐๐ถ๐ฐ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น ๐๐ถ๐ณ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐, ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐บ๐ ๐ ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ฎ๐น ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐๐ต ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐ป๐ฒ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐๐ฎ๐ถ๐น ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ป๐ฒ๐๐;
๐ฃ๐น๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ โญ๏ธ ๐ฆ๐จ๐๐ฆ๐๐ฅ๐๐๐ โญ๏ธ ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ผ๐ ๐ ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฅ๐ถ๐ด๐ต๐ ๐.
Have a PHENOMENAL ๐คฉ Day.
#thatisall