One of the thrills of being Bi Polar is that you get the highs of highs but alongside the low of lows.
I wish I could count the number of times I was euphoric with sleepless nights, countless business ideas, calling friends with incohertent speech, dancing like a tornado and just wondering how I can bottle this power and energy.
Unfortunately I could not to which led onto a slow decline of a depression to which I could not move, get up from a sitting position and led me to sleep more than 15 hours a day.
Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy not only to me but my whole family and friends to who got to experience these swings first hand.
This would continue on for years and dare I say decades until I sought help as I began to realize that these mood swings were not normal and had destroyed relationships, job opportunities and my health.
The highs of being in a cycle were like free falling and nothing could hurt me.
๐ No idea was a bad idea.
๐ I did not need to sleep. I was the almighty.
๐ My incoherent calls to friends and family (at all times) made sense to myself and who cared what others thought.
๐ Spending money I didn’t have was ok because I would get it back through some force of nature.
๐ I was invincible. I was part of the X-Men and had super powers that no one else had…..I was The Chosen One (as I have tattoed on my knucles). …but guess what. That was all bullshit.
Once I came down from the peak of this mountain top there would be a lull of a couple of weeks as to where everything would normalize itself in the valley. …but then the ground would fall out from underneath itself and I would stumble towards the gates of a depression that would not let go of its grasp on me; no matter how hard I fought.
๐ Everything was a negative.
๐ Everyone was against me.
๐ Sleep was my friend.
๐ Thoughts of running away were always present, but never a thought of suicide as I am wired to fight and never give up. It felt like I was fighting this constant battle against myself with no winner and no outcome to be seen and this was my destiny. I was to be forever in a whirlpool of a battle of thoughts and emotions that would eventually exhaust me to a point of no return.
As I mentioned, suicide was not an option, but my body and mind giving out on me was always on my mind considering I am diabetic and due to the circumstances would some times not play by its rules. So where do I stand today?
Better. The medications I am on (seroquel and valrpoic acid) have definately helped the cycling but it sometimes rears its ugly ahead as a unicyle.
When this happens I now have the tools in place alongside friends and family who can lend me there support as they have a better understanding of what I am going through and are able to help and react accordingly.
So, where am I at today in this exact moment? Half away in my Mental Health Journey in positive frame of mind.
Will I ever come to the end of this Marathon? I don’t and I don’t actually think so. …but for someone who loves adventures, OMG this has been the ride of my life.
๐๐๐ฝ๐๐ผ ๐ฃ๐: ๐๐ณ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ ๐ฎ โ ๐๐ผ๐ณ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ฝ ๐ถ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ, ๐ฝ๐น๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ปโ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐ฐ๐น๐ถ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ผ๐ป ๐ถ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐๐ผ๐ณ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐๐๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ณ๐ผ๐๐ป๐ฑ๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ต ๐บ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฒ๐ด๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฒ ๐ฆ๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐.
๐๐น๐๐ผ,๐ถ๐ณ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐๐ฝ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ย ๐บ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐๐ฎ๐๐๐ถ๐ฐ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น ๐๐ถ๐ณ๐ฒ ๐๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐, ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐บ๐ ๐ ๐ฒ๐ป๐๐ฎ๐น ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐๐ต ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐ป๐ฒ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฅ๐ฒ๐๐ฎ๐ถ๐น ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ป๐ฒ๐๐;
๐ฃ๐น๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ โญ๏ธ ๐ฆ๐จ๐๐ฆ๐๐ฅ๐๐๐ โญ๏ธ ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ผ๐ ๐.
And as always,
Have a PHENOMENAL ๐คฉ Day.