Nope. NOT Fun At All.

Wow.
OMG
Phew.
I made it.

My Big Brain on Brad threw me for a roller coaster loop during the last little while.

And did you know what the worst thing that came out of it?

Exhaustion and a mask

I was so F⭐️cken exhausted of hiding this ongoing, under a mask sweat inducing Anxiety Attack, that seemed to last forever.

But did anyone in my circle know that this was happening?

Nope, with the exception of Michelle who got the brunt end of this. Bless her soul

So why was this not apparent to others?

Well simply because I have what you call High Functioning Anxiety besides the other crap that haunts me.

A High Functioning Anxiety person looks like this, and therefore this is where the exhaustion roles in like a fall fog

I’m nice and easy to be around but will hide in my shell when it gets overwhelming.
I obsess over trivial things that you probably never notice.
I’m consumed by every mistake by beating myself up over it.
I know I’m more than capable of giving the performance of a lifetime; but I keep on questioning my capabilities.
In most situations, the worst scenario is always at the forefront.

Also,
and Yes alongside all of this:

I may forget things we have discussed in the past, or recently even remembering that we met.
There is a possibility that you may think I am not in the moment or social. Well Fuck a Duck, I am the most social person you will know, but…out of nowhere a dark cloud will throw a shadow over me.
I will sometimes leave a social gathering early as I am just emotionally drained and want to curl up in a tiny little ball.

Don’t I sound like a bundle of joy 🤪?

I am.
I am.
and guess what?
I am.

Just look at my TikTok: tiktok.com/@renegaderetailer

It’s just sometimes the gift of being BiPolar brings some of its friends to the party and they like to stir up things.

I have made it this far; haven’t I?

I have made it this far without you knowing the true story.

Now that you know this, does it change your perception of me?

I hope you can see these signs within your Family Members, your Friends and your Peers and be able to ask if they need help or if everything is just OK.

Did you know that, asking if they need help may open that door wide enough where you are THAT one saviour that they have been looking for.

Believe me, I wish it would have happened to me instead of fighting this demon for decades.

But hey,

I think I have won.

Have a PHENOMENAL 🤩 Day.
#thatisall

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