Cycling, but not with 2 wheels.

One of the thrills of being Bi Polar is that you get the highs of highs but alongside the low of lows.

I wish I could count the number of times I was euphoric with sleepless nights, countless business ideas, calling friends with incohertent speech, dancing like a tornado and just wondering how I can bottle this power and energy.

Unfortunately I could not to which led onto a slow decline of a depression to which I could not move, get up from a sitting position and led me to sleep more than 15 hours a day.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy not only to me but my whole family and friends to who got to experience these swings first hand.

This would continue on for years and dare I say decades until I sought help as I began to realize that these mood swings were not normal and had destroyed relationships, job opportunities and my health.

The highs of being in a cycle were like free falling and nothing could hurt me.

πŸ‘‰ No idea was a bad idea.

πŸ‘‰ I did not need to sleep. I was the almighty.

πŸ‘‰ My incoherent calls to friends and family (at all times) made sense to myself and who cared what others thought.

πŸ‘‰ Spending money I didn’t have was ok because I would get it back through some force of nature.

πŸ‘‰ I was invincible. I was part of the X-Men and had super powers that no one else had…..I was The Chosen One (as I have tattoed on my knucles).

…but guess what. That was all bullshit.

Once I came down from the peak of this mountain top there would be a lull of a couple of weeks as to where everything would normalize itself in the valley.

…but then the ground would fall out from underneath itself and I would stumble towards the gates of a depression that would not let go of its grasp on me; no matter how hard I fought.

πŸ‘‰ Everything was a negative.

πŸ‘‰ Everyone was against me.

πŸ‘‰ Sleep was my friend.

πŸ‘‰ Thoughts of running away were always present, but never a thought of suicide as I am wired to fight and never give up.

It felt like I was fighting this constant battle against myself with no winner and no outcome to be seen and this was my destiny.

I was to be forever in a whirlpool of a battle of thoughts and emotions that would eventually exhaust me to a point of no return.

As I mentioned, suicide was not an option, but my body and mind giving out on me was always on my mind considering I am diabetic and due to the circumstances would some times not play by its rules.

So where do I stand today?

Better.

The medications I am on (seroquel and valrpoic acid) have definately helped the cycling but it sometimes rears its ugly ahead as a unicyle.

When this happens I now have the tools in place alongside friends and family who can lend me there support as they have a better understanding of what I am going through and are able to help and react accordingly.

So, where am I at today in this exact moment?

Half away in my Mental Health Journey in positive frame of mind.

Will I ever come to the end of this Marathon?

I don’t and I don’t actually think so.

…but for someone who loves adventures, OMG this has been the ride of my life.

Please follow my #Mentalhealth Journey and #Retail Madness Marathon by ⭐SUBSCRIBING⭐ to both of my #RenegadeRetailer channels at:
πŸ‘‰ YouTube:
https://youtube.com/c/RenegadeRetailer
πŸ‘‰ Blog:
https://renegaderetailer.blog/

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